Video Games as Transgender Escapism

      “It’s nice to be able to enter into an expansive world where I’m treated as female,” she said to me. I knew exactly what she was talking about, too. I was guilty of the same type of escapism as well as others.

     I had used games to escape before. When my classmates dropped the T-word and listed all the possible ways to spot a trans woman I came home and played Spiral Knights to distract myself. It kind of worked if you don’t count the rest of the time that evening that I was crying and angry. When a sneeze resulted in persistent headaches and dizziness and the worry wart side of me was worried it was something serious, I played puzzle games to keep my nerves calm.

     This type of escapism is very different. A couple months before my friend brought up the subject, I had been playing any game that let me make a female avatar. It feels really good to be treated as a woman even if it is through a virtual self.

     I relied heavily on escaping through games this way. At the time my girlfriend wasn’t being very accepting and my transition was progressing so slowly. I was trying to take steps but accomplishing nothing. So, I’d play games where I got to be a girl and no one told me I wasn’t. I even played some pretty awful games just because I could be a girl.

     It won’t come as a surprise that most of my WoW characters are female. I made a few males because people started getting suspicious. “Why are all your characters female?” one friend asked.

     “They’re not all female. Look, that one is male and that one,” I said, making random excuses to hide the real reason which is, for years, I wanted to be a girl but couldn’t admit it out loud.

     One time I entered a dungeon and someone said, “Oh, another girl tank.”

     “There’s nothing wrong with girl tanks,” I said, feeling proud of my gender and obligated to defend our honor.

     “She’s pro,” one of them said by the end of the dungeon as I was out-DPSing (damage per second) some of them.

     In that case, it was the players that treated me like a woman, even though not all female characters are played by women. It felt great. I loved it. But it wasn’t just in WoW. I enjoyed when NPCs treated me like a woman or even just running around with a female avatar.

     “Don’t really know,” another friend started as I asked him about this type of escapism, “though my Pokemon characters are boys. Even something small like that is kinda relieving.”

     As conversation continued I asked him, “Do you pick guys in all games if given an option?”

     “I tend to,” he answers, “hell, I did even as a kid.”

     Playing games to be treated as our true gender is a good way to relieve the anxiety of not being accepted that often comes with being trans, but it can feel like a trap too. Sometimes I think I relied too much on these games to get the acceptance I wanted. I’m glad I was able to stop it and enjoy games in a more pure way.

     It’s also an important step to go out and find acceptance away from virtual characters. It felt like I was hiding from my problems, but now I have found more acceptance. My girlfriend is trying her best to accept that I am a woman and I have found friends who are kind and caring and when I need a little extra, I can always play a game.

A Brief History of Transgender Characters in Video Games [Updated]

Thank you to 52532 for pointing me toward Naoto and Karla for telling me about Gwyndolin.

Last updated: 25 May 2015

When the question was raised I realized that maybe not as many people as I thought know about the history of transgender characters in video games. Especially gamers who are not into the fighting game genre.

I think the subject has been written about before I but I also believe I can hopefully bring a little bit of a different take on the subject. I am included some characters that aren’t specifically transgender when I think they are relevant.

Birdo

Birdo is, as far as I know, the first transgender video game character. Birdo (Catherine in Japan) debuted in the Japanese game Doki Doki Panic in 1987 which was later released as Super Mario Bros. 2. The Instruction manual for Super Mario Bros 2 says, “Birdo thinks he is a girl and likes to be called Birdetta.” That’s the first example of how not to handle a TG character. I don’t like the use of male pronouns. I can’t say for certain but based on what I see, if Birdo was real, she probably wouldn’t like the male pronouns. Most MtF trans people don’t like male pronouns. The description of Birdo for the Japanese version of Double Dash says this: “Catherine appears to be Yoshi’s girlfriend… or does that mean boyfriend!?” I don’t know if there is a cultural difference that makes that statement OK but it doesn’t sound good to me. Birdo continues to be a re-occurring character in Mario spin off games.

Poison

Just 2 years later, Poison appeared in Final Fight. Poison has been the source of many debates/arguments for me. I’ve written about some of them before. Poison’s history is, as far as I’ve come to know, somewhat ambiguous and debated. I have heard that she was always intended to be transgender. About her gender Yoshinori Ono said, “Let’s set the record straight: in North America, Poison is officially a post-op transsexual. But in Japan, she simply tucks her business away to look female.” I think it should be obvious by now that I don’t like this. He kind of implies that because she hasn’t had SRS in Japan that she isn’t really a woman but at least he still uses those female pronouns. It could be handled worse but there is plenty of room to improve. Poison frequents Final Fight and Street Fighter games and is a popular character for fan art and cosplay and appeared in the recent Street Fighter X Tekken.

Sheik

In 1998’s The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, Princess Zelda goes into hiding as a Sheikah boy named Sheik. While Sheik isn’t specifically transgender, Sheik can still be related to from a transgender perspective and that’s why I included him in this list. Both Sheik’s gender and sex are speculated one and debated hotly on forums. I always enjoy reading a good Sheik debate.

Bridget

Bridget, from the Guilty Gear series, joined the cast in 2002 for Guilty Gear XX. Bridget is the character that I knew the least about when I started writing. Bridget, if I understand correctly, is actually a guy. He is a feminine man who likes to dress as a nun complete with a habit. I never played the Guilty Gear franchise but I always wanted to and Bridget seemed like one of the more memorable characters to me. Since he was intended to be a male identified person who wears women’s clothing and because I haven’t heard much about him, I have no real complaints about how his character was handled.

Vivian

Vivian is an important character and a  party member in the game Paper Mario TTYD (2004). In the original version of the game and in some translations Vivian is described as a boy by many characters in the game but identifies as a girl. The character description is reminiscent of Birdo’s from other Mario games; it reads: “Vivian appears to be a girl but is really a boy.” As is common in Nintendo descriptions, transgender translates into “is really a boy.” As tends to happen with gender issues, there is no mention of any of this in the English version of the game.

Leo

Eleonor Kliesen first appeared in 2007’s Tekken 6. Based on what I’ve read, Leo has no gender. I’m not sure if that would qualify Leo as Genderqueer since typically people will self identify themselves and the creators have not said, to my knowledge. I like Leo. Leo looks cool, seems tough and is a good step forward. ‘Love this character regardless of gender’ the developers at Namco Bandai demand. Leo is in my opinion the most positive character on this list. Bravo Namco Bandai.

 Naoto Shirogane

Persona 4 brought us Naoto Shirogane in 2008. Naoto is one of the coolest characters ever designed. It is a shame that the game handles him so badly. Naoto is a FtM crossdresser. Naoto always dresses as a guy and uses a deep voice, which he only very occasionally drops. He seems to be insecure and uncomfortable with his feminine body. Throughout the second half of the game he continues to try to keep his body hidden. What makes me sad about Naoto is that the game switches pronouns abruptly as soon as he is outed even though he continues to present male. “Why couldn’t I have been born male. It would have been much easier for me…,” Naoto said to my character in one conversation. He could have been the best, if only the game was more trans friendly.

Kainé

Kainé from the Nier (2010) was the original source of many arguments for me, even before I started transitioning and before I started identifying as transgender despite already being a crossdresser. Kainé is a female hermaphrodite (that’s the developer’s words not me). What frustrates me about Kainé is the number of fans who like to call her a guy. She isn’t featured in articles anymore so I don’t have to get into arguments anymore, which is a good thing. I don’t think the word hermaphrodite is typically used to describe humans anymore. I, also, am not entirely certain what the developer means by hermaphrodite, specifically, nor will I spend too much time worrying about it. Kainé has just appeared in her one game which has 2 versions.

 Erica Anderson

Continuing their streak of handling transgender characters poorly Atlas brings us Erica in 2011 for Catherine on both 360 and PS3. Erica works at the Stray Sheep as a waitress. She is a friendly, attractive red head who also happens to be transgender(or transsexual, I don’t think It has been explicitly said). I think that the worst thing the game does is give Erica nightmares which only male characters get. But making that slightly worse, the character Vincent makes several references to her not being a woman. Another character describes sex with Erica as “weird”. And she is surrounded by generally transphobic characters. I think Erica is could be a great character, unfortunately still not handled as well as trans characters should be.

Gwyndolin

Dark Sun Gwyndolin is a boss in Dark Souls (2011). A boss who has a disappointing amount of information on the internet so I am going to quote another blogger named Karla:

“She was the child of a god, and raised as a daughter because she had an affinity for the moon. Though many item descriptions list her as male, the whole affinity for the moon thing combined with a few hints at her hating her body and the one character who is closest to her using female pronouns in reference to her, makes me pretty dang sure she’s a trans girl.”

Cremisius Aclassi

Krem is a trans character from Dragon Age: Inquisition. He is not Bioware’s first attempt at a trans character, and after the blunder from Dragon Age: origins, I was not feeling too positive about his portrayal. This was especially true after hearing that he was going to be voiced by a female voice actor, as that reminded me of the many trans women played by men in hollywood movies. Overall though, from what I’ve read, he seems to be a fairly positively portrayed character and a definite step up from Bioware’s previous attempts.

Notable Exclusions:

Faris Scherwiz (1992) – An androgynous female Pirate from Final Fantasy V

Roxy (1989) – A color swap of Poison.

Flea (1995) – A boss from Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross.

Serendipity (2011) – A “Drag Queen” prostitute in Dragon Age II.

Beauty (2013) – In Pokemon X/Y there is a Beauty in the battle dungeon who is transgender and used to be a Black Belt/Karate King.

I also left out most instances of characters wearing women’s clothing for reasons other than gender.

and I like to think that My version of Commander Shepard is a TG Lesbian

Going Forward:

The world needs a good transgender character that is handled properly. Personally, I’d like to see a MtF character who isn’t in a fighting game. But that’s just me since I am MtF and am not good at fighting games. Feel free to note anyone I left out.

Designing My Game

Recently there was some discussion on game design at the Nintendo Enthusiast forums. It really got me thinking about how little I know about it. I looked back at my own game Rocket Mario (my Super Mario fan game). I started thinking about how it came about.

About a decade ago my brother decided to try out Game Maker. We were both aware of it but neither of us really wanted to get it. We both really enjoyed programming and didn’t think it would be right for us. I decided to try it out with him. The first thing I did was load some sprites. My brother had a Mario sprite on hand so that’s what I used. I was amused to find that Mario was animating at a super high speed.

That was the start of the concept. I wondered what would a game be like with Mario running super fast. I tried out the different options and got the concept down pretty quickly. The game came together soon afterward because large portions of the game were completely random. It took me only a single afternoon, from when I woke up around noon til after dark.

That was it. A sprite moving really fast inspired me to (mostly) randomly place enemies to dodge and I was done. I put a little bit more thought into Rocket Mario 2 but I still don’t know anything about designing a game. All I know is that by chance Rocket Mario ended up being pretty fun and I still use it as a time waster from time to time.

Star Trek Online – Quick Impression

     This is my ship, the Nebuchadnezzar. Unfortunately, my modem router combo doesn’t like Star Trek Online and every time I try to play my Network crashes. Everything I have played so far, is exactly like I remember the beta that I participated in. My entire WoW guild played the beta. I enjoyed it. I was ready to put down the money to buy a lifetime membership which they were offering at launch. But I ended up being the only one in my guild to like the game. So, I never even bought it.

     When Star Trek Online finally went free to play I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to continue the journey I began during the beta and, of course, start it again since beta characters don’t save. So I downloaded the game and made my character. I chose pink hair, which is a first for me, since I didn’t find a red.

     Star Trek online is a pretty hefty download. It’s a big game, about as big as you’d expect for an MMO like this. I think it is definitely worth the time to download it.

     The game gives you plenty of options for creating your character. You have a myriad of choices for species. I chose Betazoid. You can outfit yourself with a handful of different uniforms and each one can be mixed and matched. You also choose your career path (Engineering, science or Tactical) and your traits.

     I didn’t get to play much of the game but from what I have played, both recently and in the beta, the gameplay is broken up into two types, ground and space. On the ground you and your away team, armed with phasers (and a few other choices), travel by foot to complete various missions. The ground gameplay is very similar to any other MMO. If you have ever played WoW or any game like it then you should know what to expect. The combat seemed a bit slower than WoW. Which to me is a good thing. I felt like I had time to make choices. That may have just been because I only had a few choices of things to do this early on.

     In space the main goal is to keep the enemy ships at your flank so you can fire forward and rear weapons at once. You can divert energy to your shields or even thrusters to increase your speed, though I think that last one isn’t intended for combat. When you have more officers on your ship you get to unlock special abilities which aid in space combat. I found space combat enjoyable. I should mention that space combat feels a bit more like a dogfight than a battle between two massive ships. That can be either a good thing or a bad thing.

     My name is Captain Theresa of the U.S.S. Nebuchadnezzar and I highly recommend Star Trek Online for any fan of space or sci-fi. That is especially true for Star Trek fans. I watched TNG when I was younger and being able to pilot my own ship is awesome.