It’s not a sentence I thought I would ever get to say. I can’t say I’m happy that it’s true. My life really was a lot simpler when I hated him but I have a habit of making a mess of things.
When she first asked me, I told her she didn’t have to date me, because I thought she was just asking me to be her girlfriend because she was living with me, but she insisted. It was supposed to be just her and I. At least, that’s what she said at first.
Things quickly changed when a pretty girl smiled at her, but there wasn’t any lasting problem until she got back together with her ex-boyfriend.
As I stated, I was not happy with this. I didn’t ask to be in an open relationship, and to make it worse, my girlfriend was now dating her abusive ex, whom I hated.
Our relationship was strained until finally I was forced into interacting with him, and I got to see how he actually treats her. I could tell that he really cared for her, and I eventually stopped hating him.
Unfortunately, my girlfriend really wanted me to be fine with her boyfriend so she kept pushing the subject. At one point while I was not exactly sober she started painting a picture of her and I living together forever, married even, and how he would be living with his wife and occasionally he would come over and that maybe he would like me too and it would be happy. It was in that moment, at my weakest, and feeling more loved than I have ever felt, which is dangerous for a neglected and needy trans girl, that I was finally alright with an open relationship. It even seemed appealing.
The next morning when I realized that not only would he not like me, but that nothing else my girlfriend said that night was true. But the damage was done. I realized I had started to develop feelings for her boyfriend. It reminded me too much of the last time I fell in love(with my best friend’s boyfriend, I don’t remember if I’ve blogged about that one). And just as I was left alone and hurt that time, the same thing happened again.
I tried talking to him a few times. Only to let him know that I didn’t hate him anymore, and maybe also just to talk to him. She knew I liked him and even though the idea of him and I was implanted in my mind by her, she got jealous and told him that I had a crush on him.
I was embarrassed. Humiliated. I haven’t talked to him since. I’m not over the events, and yet since then, my girlfriend broke up with me too. The moral? I have no idea.
Other Personal Anecdotes:
I started selling wands on etsy. I was feeling a little disconnected from other pagans. I thought this might be a nice way to make connections. If any of my readers want to check them out, here is a link(or share the link with your friends):
I’d love some feedback as well. Leave a comment.
In unrelated news, I’ve been playing a bit of Persona 4 Arena, which I’ll be writing about soon, I just want to put in a few more hours. All I’ll say now is that the fighting game portion is pretty great. Also, anyone getting Splatoon?