I Fell For My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend (and other personal anecdotes)

It’s not a sentence I thought I would ever get to say. I can’t say I’m happy that it’s true. My life really was a lot simpler when I hated him but I have a habit of making a mess of things.

When she first asked me, I told her she didn’t have to date me, because I thought she was just asking me to be her girlfriend because she was living with me, but she insisted. It was supposed to be just her and I. At least, that’s what she said at first.

Things quickly changed when a pretty girl smiled at her, but there wasn’t any lasting problem until she got back together with her ex-boyfriend.

As I stated, I was not happy with this. I didn’t ask to be in an open relationship, and to make it worse, my girlfriend was now dating her abusive ex, whom I hated.

Our relationship was strained until finally I was forced into interacting with him, and I got to see how he actually treats her. I could tell that he really cared for her, and I eventually stopped hating him.

Unfortunately, my girlfriend really wanted me to be fine with her boyfriend so she kept pushing the subject. At one point while I was not exactly sober she started painting a picture of her and I living together forever, married even, and how he would be living with his wife and occasionally he would come over and that maybe he would like me too and it would be happy. It was in that moment, at my weakest, and feeling more loved than I have ever felt, which is dangerous for a neglected and needy trans girl, that I was finally alright with an open relationship. It even seemed appealing.

The next morning when I realized that not only would he not like me, but that nothing else my girlfriend said that night was true. But the damage was done. I realized I had started to develop feelings for her boyfriend. It reminded me too much of the last time I fell in love(with my best friend’s boyfriend, I don’t remember if I’ve blogged about that one). And just as I was left alone and hurt that time, the same thing happened again.

I tried talking to him a few times. Only to let him know that I didn’t hate him anymore, and maybe also just to talk to him. She knew I liked him and even though the idea of him and I was implanted in my mind by her, she got jealous and told him that I had a crush on him.

I was embarrassed. Humiliated. I haven’t talked to him since. I’m not over the events, and yet since then, my girlfriend broke up with me too. The moral? I have no idea.

Other Personal Anecdotes:

I started selling wands on etsy. I was feeling a little disconnected from other pagans. I thought this might be a nice way to make connections. If any of my readers want to check them out, here is a link(or share the link with your friends):


I’d love some feedback as well. Leave a comment.

In unrelated news, I’ve been playing a bit of Persona 4 Arena, which I’ll be writing about soon, I just want to put in a few more hours. All I’ll say now is that the fighting game portion is pretty great. Also, anyone getting Splatoon?

The 2000 IQ Killjoy Detective - Naoto Shirogane

The 2000 IQ Killjoy Detective – Naoto Shirogane

Super Mario Kart

1979113_847831291924562_1221500572124091835_oIt was cold and rainy. I was about to compete in a game I had scarcely played in 20 years. There was hot chocolate and cookies being served as people warmed up for the Super Mario Kart tournament. It was a small but enthusiastic field of racers; I lost all my confidence the moment we stepped foot in the Game Over video game store.

We got in a few practice rounds:

Myself, my brother and my nephew during the practice rounds.

Myself, my brother and my nephew during the practice rounds.

Then we raced. I did well the first round, which was VS races. The second round was Battle mode, in which I had to eliminate my cousin to move on. The final round was a GP race. I lost, finishing second. I still got a prize, and overall it was a satisfying tournament. I look forward to next time.

Me losing to first place.

Me losing to first place.


Rainbow Road, raced for fun after losing






pictures taken by: https://www.facebook.com/gameoverroundrock

2014 in review

I thought it was fun seeing the summary they give me of the year. Here it is if you want to see.

Also, Happy new year everyone. ^_^

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 11,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.



Just yesterday I went to Game Over to see if they had any good co-op games to play. While browsing a guy asked if my cousin and I wanted to join a Goldeneye Tournament. On a whim, I did and I took first. The person in the photo with me took second. I’m not sure who they are, I didn’t get a name but they were coo.

I also didn’t expect a prize when I entered, but I got one: A gift card (shown above.) With my giftcard I bought Shadowrun (SNES) and a Birdo Plush. Birdo is the first trans character in video games which why I bought the plush. It’s also quite soft.


Austin Comic Con


This weekend was Wizard World Comic Con Austin which was also my first convention. I decided to make a sort of fem Young Justice Robin, and my cousin dressed as Conner. We spent most of the first day wandering around, checking out the different booths and looking through the artist gallery. I was very awkward all through the convention but especially this day. I have social anxiety, I’m just glad the show floor wasn’t as loud as even a mall is, where I tend to get dizzy and have trouble breathing, often with or because of crying. I think that helped me stay moderately calm.


The second day I got to meet one of my childhood heroes Jason David Frank, AKA the Green Ranger from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers(Picture Above). I also went to a panel by Christopher Judge so I got to see him speaking, which was by far one of the best panels. I bought tons of art prints the second day, including a picture of Buffy The Vampire slayer as a Loteria Card.


The third day was mostly dedicated to going to panels and taking pictures of some of the cooler cosplays, like the one above, the Dark Knight (as he introduced himself) who insisted I be in the picture with him. Unfortunately, our camera crapped out on us and I don’t have any pictures of Conner and I, in fact, that Dark Knight picture was the only decent one with me in it. Panels I got to see the third day were Breaking the Stereotypes, Diversity in Geek Culture, J. August Richards, Alison Mack, and another panel with Jason David Frank. Then we saw the first half of the costume contest and then we left and it was over. I’m now addicted. More cosplay and conventions to come.


The past few months

I am 27 years old. I do not have my life together. I just graduated 3 months ago and I’ve already almost been homeless twice since then. The only reason I have not been is because of the charity of others. Right now I’m sitting in a spare bedroom at a relative’s house.

When I arrived I was completely exhausted and really needed time to heal. I had just been forced out of an abusive relationship by forces beyond my control. I had been living in a hotel for quite a while before, never knowing if I’d find enough money to keep my stay there for an extra week. I didn’t get to rest. I had to start working right away to make late payments and buy things I needed. I still have not been able to refill my hormones and I am running out soon but don’t have enough to order more.

It has been 3 weeks since I’ve gotten here and things have finally started to slow down and I have been able to think about my life in the longer term. I only now, after all this time have started getting plans.

I’m trying really hard to figure out my life but I feel completely lost. It is really difficult living only because others let you. I feel like I’m a complete loser. I’m a burden on everyone I know. because of that I never quite feel at home anywhere I go. I don’t fully feel welcome here but I don’t have a home to return to.

I also had to leave all my friends behind when I left Brownsville. And even though I get to spend time with my cousin, I still miss home. The dorms were the closest thing I ever had to a real home and to a family and now it’s gone and I can never return.

Honestly, I really wish I knew how to be an adult. I’m so scared and lost right now.