I was home… and for the next several days I complained to anyone who would listen about how I really want to be back in Denver so I could see her again. “How was Alaska?” my family would ask.
“It was great, but I preferred Denver.” I would respond.
“Why? What did you like about Denver?” they wondered.
“The girl I was staying with,” of course.
I could have filled several blogs with the amount I ranted at people about how great Denver was and how happy she made me, and how badly I wanted to go to back to her.
Just to be clear. I love Austin. There was a lot of good things for me in Austin. But none of it mattered compared to her.
I wished I could go back to her but I knew, even if I could afford the airplane tickets, and even if there would be a place to stay in Denver, that she didn’t want to be with me, so I couldn’t have.
Despite that, encouraging sounding words echoed in my head and delusions lingered and let me hold on to hope that maybe I was wrong, that maybe somehow she would want to be with me. That is, until one night it became clear that I could cling to that hope no more.
I want to emphasize that I did not ask her out. I didn’t ask her to be with me. Though, I have, in the past, on many occasions asked her to run away with me, to no avail. But that night, she did say something, which I will not repeat here, that made me realize that I had no chance, nor did I ever, nor will I.
I did not handle that news well. I fell pretty low and proceeded to eat everything I could find. In the course of, maybe an hour, if that, I ate a plate with brisket and ham, and some tamales, 2 slices of pizza, and drank a coke despite the fact that I quit caffeine. Then I sat down on a futon and started crying, burying my face in a pillow so no one could see. Then I ate a bowl of spaghetti.
After that I lie still, defeated, barely able to move from being too full and too empty at the same time. I reclined against the couch cushion and typed at my laptop. I don’t know why but I turned to her boyfriend. He helped pick me back up even though he knows how I feel about her. And I greatly appreciate that.
He was not alone in his efforts to lift my spirits. I had met a girl just a few days earlier. She was introduced to me by the very girl who I longed for. She barely knew me but her words may have been exactly what I needed to hear. And for that I am truly grateful.
I made it through that sad night with their help. Shortly after she cheered me up, we moved in together. That’s what I occupied my mind with. I picked up a few odd jobs to earn enough money to fly her to me. But we had no place to stay, so I met her in Brownsville, where we both live now.
It has been amazing living with her. Despite some difficulties, our relationship is really special to me. But if I go into all of that, this will run too long so, til next time..