Life After Denver

        I was home… and for the next several days I complained to anyone who would listen about how I really want to be back in Denver so I could see her again. “How was Alaska?” my family would ask.

        “It was great, but I preferred Denver.” I would respond.

        “Why? What did you like about Denver?” they wondered.

        “The girl I was staying with,” of course.

        I could have filled several blogs with the amount I ranted at people about how great Denver was and how happy she made me, and how badly I wanted to go to back to her.

        Just to be clear. I love Austin. There was a lot of good things for me in Austin. But none of it mattered compared to her.

        I wished I could go back to her but I knew, even if I could afford the airplane tickets, and even if there would be a place to stay in Denver, that she didn’t want to be with me, so I couldn’t have.

        Despite that, encouraging sounding words echoed in my head and delusions lingered and let me hold on to hope that maybe I was wrong, that maybe somehow she would want to be with me. That is, until one night it became clear that I could cling to that hope no more.

        I want to emphasize that I did not ask her out. I didn’t ask her to be with me. Though, I have, in the past, on many occasions asked her to run away with me, to no avail. But that night, she did say something, which I will not repeat here, that made me realize that I had no chance, nor did I ever, nor will I.

        I did not handle that news well. I fell pretty low and proceeded to eat everything I could find. In the course of, maybe an hour, if that, I ate a plate with brisket and ham, and some tamales, 2 slices of pizza, and drank a coke despite the fact that I quit caffeine. Then I sat down on a futon and started crying, burying my face in a pillow so no one could see. Then I ate a bowl of spaghetti.

        After that I lie still, defeated, barely able to move from being too full and too empty at the same time. I reclined against the couch cushion and typed at my laptop. I don’t know why but I turned to her boyfriend. He helped pick me back up even though he knows how I feel about her. And I greatly appreciate that.

        He was not alone in his efforts to lift my spirits. I had met a girl just a few days earlier. She was introduced to me by the very girl who I longed for. She barely knew me but her words may have been exactly what I needed to hear. And for that I am truly grateful.

        I made it through that sad night with their help. Shortly after she cheered me up, we moved in together. That’s what I occupied my mind with. I picked up a few odd jobs to earn enough money to fly her to me. But we had no place to stay, so I met her in Brownsville, where we both live now.

        It has been amazing living with her. Despite some difficulties, our relationship is really special to me. But if I go into all of that, this will run too long so, til next time..

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My Denver Trip

(sorry, no pictures to break up that wall of text. I took some but they are just for me. And no proof reading because I don’t want to cry again)

             The plan was originally to go from Alaska straight to Austin and start my life. I had wanted to go to three locations but couldn’t afford all three stops. Then I found out that my flight back from Alaska was stopping in Denver for 4 hours. The woman I love is in Denver and I could not be that close to her and not see her. I knew that I would see her even if I had to walk out of the airport with no plans to get home.

             Luckily, that didn’t happen. She said I could stay with her and I found a cheap flight a week later. So, it was all settled, I get to spend a week with the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

             I was nervous as the plane landed. I was worried about a lot of things. I wondered if she had remembered to pick me up. I was worried I wouldn’t recognize her when she drove up especially since my glasses were old. I did notice her.

             I got in her car and said, “hi”. One of the first things she said was, “You look good. I don’t know why you’re always saying I’m prettier than you.”

             “It’s because it’s true. You are prettier,” I responded (it’s definitely true, she’s so beautiful).

             We stopped for breakfast and then went to her home. We sat down and talked for a while and it was great. We went to the store and bought a few things that we needed to eat and that I needed for my stay. Then we went to the movies and had a great time (Wreck-It Ralph, good movie).

             Then we spent the happiest week of my life doing almost nothing at all. Just watching movies with her was the greatest thing. I didn’t realize it was possible to be so happy. And I got to spend both my birthday and Christmas with her. One afternoon I just lied in bed while she sat her computer checking websites while we talked and I looked at her and just realized how lucky I was to spend time with her and I smiled.

             I made sure to hug her as often as I could. I probably could have more but I didn’t want to bother her. Sometimes she would be at her computer when I woke up and I’d come in and hug her and just wouldn’t want to let go ever. I wanted to hold her forever because having her in my arms was a feeling like I’ve never felt.

             But there was a dark thought that would occasionally creep in. It was the knowledge that this was just a temporary visit. That I couldn’t be with her forever even as much as I wanted, it would never happen. Then one day my mom called. One of the last things she said was, “see you in a few days..”

             “No,” I thought, “had time really passed that quickly?” it had. I was a few days from leaving her. I was barely able to hold it together til the call ended. Then I started crying and would start crying anytime I was reminded of the fact that I was leaving soon.

             It ended too soon. She dropped me off at the airport. I tried to not cry in the car. I didn’t want to ruin our last moment together. I gave her a hug and got out of the car and went on my way.

             Standing in line to check in I looked out the window and saw cars driving away and I cried. I couldn’t see her car but I knew if they were moving, she was moving. She was moving further and further away from me. It was a long line but I managed to keep crying to a minimum. I only really started up like twice. And another time after security. And then once waiting for the plane (which was late).

             Then I sat down in the plane and started crying. Manged to hold it together for a while when an airline worker told me they might need to make me change seats but then he disappeared and never came back so I just sat there, waiting. The plane started moving.

             I started crying again. I stared out the window as we began to ascend. Maybe it’s a horrible thing to wish for but I kept thinking, “If the plane crashed now, maybe I’d survive and I could see her again.. please… Please… PLEASE.” No, we took off fine and were in the air and I was still crying. I needed a distraction so I started watching Batman. Then before I knew it I landed.

             I was home…

[To be continued..]