She’s leaving sooner now. I keep listing off things in my head and remembering new things that I wanted to do but didn’t, or that I’m going to miss.
I regret not taking her to the beach. We live right near it but she’s never seen the shore.
We just beat golden eye and we were going to work through perfect Dark together. I thought it was going to be great but now it won’t happen.
There were so many games that I thought we’d play together. Thing she would show me.
She sings this song. I don’t know it. And I can’t remember the words but she sings it often enough. At first I didn’t like it but now I’m really going to miss the way her voice sounds when she sings it. It sounds different than it does at any other time.
When she first got here she would shake when she was falling asleep. I think she’s gotten comfortable here. She doesn’t shake as much now, if at all. Sometimes she asks me to rub her back while she’s falling asleep. Says it relaxes her. I like doing it. I like feeling like I’m helping her. I don’t have very many days to do it left.
I keep thinking about how sometimes she climbs into bed and holds me and she’s scared, I can tell, and she’s sad, and she cries, and she asks me to take care of her and not to let anything bad happen to her and I say I will, because I mean it. But now how am I supposed to take care of her. How am I supposed to take care of her if she’s gone.
When she started speaking to me like that I was beginning to think she might stay with me forever. I would have liked that. I want to take care of her.
I just don’t want her to leave.