I just found out that I am a horrible person and one of my worst fears is simultaneously coming true. I’m so horrible in fact, that it’s causing the other.
It seems I have driven away my roommate. She’s going to stay here til her friend moves her in with him. Then I’ll be alone.
I feel so bad. I tried to be good for her. I tried to give her everything but I have failed.
And I’m scared. I don’t want to be alone. But I’m afraid I’ll have no choice. I’m stuck here until the fall semester ends. There is a chance that she’ll still be here by then but it isn’t likely.
It seems like my emotional problems are so bad, that they drive anyone away.
I have much less friends than I did before. It seems to be counting down now. People I thought were friends don’t seem to care about me. Others don’t seem to be very reachable at all.
I’m not even sure how many friends I have left, but I know that I feel like I only have one close one left. I wouldn’t be surprised if the rest start to leave to.
It’s all falling apart. I swear, I was happy last December. Spending time with a beautiful woman. Brand new video console waiting for me back home. And I was passing for the first time ever in my life. And I had just switched to living as a woman full time after coming out to my parents.
I don’t know how things got this bad.