Mine

I bought this for a very special guy even though I knew I couldn’t give it to him. I had hoped to collar him but his girlfriend said no. I wasn’t trying to steal him away from her; I care a lot about her too and I would never do that to anyone, but I wanted him to be mine too.

I wish I could say I don’t know why I bought it, but my ex told me exactly why even if I didn’t say it. “Because deep inside you hope you can one day.” But now it just sits there empty and it will be empty forever. No one will ever wear it. It’s like torture. I put it on my bed and every time I walk in the room, I see it and it reminds me that he isn’t mine and that he can’t be. I lie down and I place it on my chest and I close my eyes and try not to think about it. And I try not to cry, but I don’t succeed.

Now, it’s back to bed for me. Back to my reminder that he’s not mine, that we can’t be anything more than this.