Why I am sorry (+ goodbye)

I think I may have one or two followers that may want to know why my blog went down. I think I am ready to provide some explanation.

In my last blog post I posted some information that I thought was true and publicly known. I was pretty excited about it all and didn’t think to verify everything before posting it. Then I received several emails. Two of them were angry emails from two of my heroes, one of whom the information was about.

I just didn’t handle it well. I felt horrible, I hurt someone I admire and managed to anger two of my heroes, that’s most of them. Hurting someone is bad enough, but when it’s someone you respect so much it’s too painful. I realized that my blog has now done more harm than good so I took it down forever. So, now it will hopefully never harm anyone again.

More than just that, I am ashamed that I made such a foolish mistake. And in response to that shame, I’ve taken down my website as well. It’s cowardly, but in my shame I decided to hide.

I apologized to everyone who emailed me and took everything down but I still felt bad. It didn’t help that this event happened just as I was starting to get out of a depression. If I thought they would listen, I’d apologize again. I really am very sorry that I made such a hurtful and stupid mistake.

I spent the entire weekend crying and trying to pull myself back out of depression for what must be the fourth time this semester. I think I’m finally starting to recover. Thank you, AlaskaGamer, for spending time with me and helping me feel good again. And thanks everyone else who tried to cheer me up. All of your help and support was greatly appreciated. I don’t think I would have made it through this weekend without all of you.

I know it must sound horrible that I did something wrong and people still try to help me. They all care so they helped me deal with the fact that no matter what, from now on, I will know that I hurt someone, and it’s a person who didn’t deserve it. And a person that I really just wanted to be like. They are my hero and I hurt them and I don’t care if everyone tells me I should just get over it, that’s a painful thing to have to know. Even as I am starting to cope with it, I don’t think I will ever get over it. I hurt someone and that’s why my blog is down.

Thank you my few followers. It was nice to be read. Sometimes ranting to you was the only way I could make it through the night. Even when I deleted my posts before most people got to see them. Thank you and Goodbye.

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7 responses to “Why I am sorry (+ goodbye)

  1. I will always stand by my opinion that you made an honest, innocent mistake with the best of intentions, and that the reactions directed at you were far too strong.

    It should have been absolutely obvious to anyone with half a brain cell that you intended no harm or disrespect, so a polite and simple request for a correction would have been enough, as far as I’m concerned. No matter what they wanted to accomplish, freaking out about it was the very worst course of action, and nothing you can claim any responsibility for.

    You regret the mistake, you have apologized for it, and that’s good enough. Now they should apologize for their behaviour. There is no reason why you should give up on what you love to do because of someone who can’t control their anger and lacks the social skills to realize that they are hurting a fan who just wanted to praise them.

  2. I enjoyed reading this blog from time to time. Everyone makes mistakes, and there is always opportunities to move on from whatever situation arises. I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors, including if you ever wish to continue this blog.

  3. I know what it feels like to have hurt someone so close to you or just someone you have that much respect for. And yes, unfortunately it does happen. Mistakes always happen. And in the end they can help make us stronger. I guess I am no real judge on experience, being young, but i feel that you are becoming stronger, but are making another mistake by taking this down. It has definitely produced so much more good than a small mistake on your part. Yes, people flipped their shit. They do that. And now you apologized and made amends. That doesn’t mean you stop your whole endeavor. If anything, I think this blogging has helped you just as much as all of the readers it has.Whether there are a lot of us or not.

    In truth, I am just a 16 year old who found your interest in games and the similar gender confusions that we have alike to help me. It helped me personally and it has helped you as you say you have started to come out of your depression. It can still help you because it might still be a rocky road ahead.

    I guess what I am really doing is asking you to keep this up. You have us as your supporters, and always will. And if you don’t, I am happy to have been able to read your blog and I hope it is smoother sailing ahead. I will always be subscribed to this just in case.

    – Alyss

    • I didn’t realize anyone other than about 3 people read my blog. I’m still not over all of this yet. I’m still struggling with the mistake I made. When I’ve recovered, I’ll consider what you said while deciding whether or not I want to return. But for now, I really need to step away. Thank you. It’s really nice to know I did some good.

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