Trans In The Valley – Part 2: The T-Word

Not a happy story ahead… Continue reading

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Zelda II

You are Link and Princess Zelda is asleep but you probably don’t know why because you were too busy humming along with the opening theme instead of reading the story and now you have to rescue her. Your objective is to return the crystals to the six palaces in order to bring together the three pieces of the Triforce and awaken Zelda.

The year is 1988 (or the early 90s for me) and you are making your second journey into Hyrule only it is not the Hyrule you remember. The first thing you notice is that your perspective has changed. In addition you can jump now and crouch. You find that if you stay on the roads you won’t need to fight as much. The roads lead you to towns and you can interact with all sorts of townsfolk. In fact, you need to. You will be required to talk to townsfolk to get clues on where to go next and to learn new spells. Yeah, there is magic and you have levels too.

Spoilers – You go through the cavern to the east of where you started and find yourself outside near the first Palace. If you are inquisitive you will undoubtedly head south along the water before going into the Palace and find yourself jumping from rocks to rocks dodging bubbles that are rising at  you. You find a large heart that extends your life bar. When you finish there you enter the Palace. It’s something completely different to what you faced before. For one thing, there are elevators.  There are skeletons, floating skulls and knights. You run around to find keys and open doors on your way to the boss battle. Some of what you see has some familiarity but you’ve never seen it like this before.

Zelda II is my favorite game. I have many fond memories of playing it. And many others of watching my brother play it. I love everything about it: the music, the magic, the RPG elements, the towns, the people – everything.

The year is 1988. This is a game unlike any you will play for the next 20 years. Enjoy it. Your name is Link and this is your adventure.

Sometimes, I Don’t Like the Way She Treats Me

… Or, “I don’t like the way she treats me, sometimes.”

I am in that state in my relationship and transition where I am trying to negotiate with my needs and my partner’s needs to try to find some middle ground where the relationship can survive but both our needs are met. I’m sure many have been here and there are many success stories and many break ups, so I won’t go into much detail. She doesn’t want to be dating a trans woman but she doesn’t want to break up. I can do or dress however I want as long as I keep it away from her. This is among the reasons why I have been living most of my time as Male even though I am trans and Identify as a woman.

I recently asked her to take me shopping for only the third or fourth time. I need to go with her because I don’t feel comfortable looking at female clothes without a person who is perceived as a woman around. I would take a friend but I have exactly one real friend in town and he is male and doesn’t know I’m trans, yet.

I was excited. I was looking for a new jacket for the upcoming winter season and some jeans to go with a pair booties I had recently purchased. So I was on my way to buy clothes that she wouldn’t let me wear in front of her. We had just entered the store when she started acting differently. She kept walking away from me while we were trying to look at clothes. She kept her back to me nearly the entire time. Every time I tried to get near her she would walk away faster. She hardly said anything. I wasn’t really able to look at the clothes because I spent the entire time trying to walk beside her and she spent the entire time trying to get away from me.

This wasn’t the first time it has happened either. While shopping before she always tries to distance herself from me. She often refuses to hold my hand or even stand next to me. Which both makes me feel isolated but also kind of negates one of the main purposes of having her there with me. This usually ends with me upset and discouraged from ever going shopping again (though I usually go back after a while) and I often end up just ordering things online.

(In case you are curious, I ended up ordering a pair of jeans of the internet but because the sizing system was confusing I ordered two sizes too large. The second order fit well. I’m still waiting on the jacket. It should be here fairly soon)

Trans In The Valley: Part 1

It would come to no surprise to anyone in the trans community that I have not met any other trans person in person. It can be lonely being trans in a smallish town. Sometimes I find myself desperately looking around for other trans people to no avail. That’s not surprising either. I have made several internet searches for support groups or any trans organizations in my area but have not found anything.

My school does have an LGBT organization which offered me some hope but they seem to have restructured themselves to be more of an outlet to seek social change. That resonates well with me in theory but the way they phrase their mission statement sounds off somehow to me. I saw that they have over 100 members. That numbers scares me. The organization not being strictly an LGBT organization is not comforting either. I just want other trans people to talk to and coming out to 100+ people without a guarantee that there will be another trans person there is not something I feel inclined to do.

Sometimes I tell random people on the internet that I am trans just so I can have someone to talk to. I have outed my back up handles. This tactic has been fruitless as well. I know I am not alone, but I can’t seem to find much company. I have one friend online who is trans and I am infinitely grateful for her being there for me.

I am hoping to write more about the trans experience in the valley. I will continue my search for support. I hope to have less lonely news in the future.

Why Gender, Games and Sociology?

I should discuss why I chose three very different topics to discuss on one single blog. To understand how these three subjects are connected I need to explain the secret purpose I created this blog. Due to my circumstances, which I will not discuss in any detail here, I feel forced to live most of my time as a man. In an attempt to find a safe way for me to present female I have decided that I want to start cosplaying female characters as often as I can. I have always liked cosplay but have never been able to do it.

I needed an outlet to go with my new plan so I started this blog, a place where my gender expression and love of gaming can come together in the context of social settings. And I will write about it all. My experiences living as my gender, My love of gaming and the social interaction that takes place.