I was talking with a friend recently. He was having some troubles and I was having some trouble but I wanted to be there for him. I tried to push my problems aside for long enough to help cheer him up but a few of my own complaints got through anyway. “God, it hurts,” is all I could say. That’s what I feel like. Every single day. It doesn’t go away. I try not to let it show too often. some days I do a better job dealing with it but more often than not I end up crying in the restroom by myself. I cry by myself because I’m afraid if I let my girlfriend see just how bad it is that she wouldn’t be able to handle it and she would leave me. I don’t have many friends left so I can’t lose her.
People tell me I can make new friends but I can’t. I’m too shy. I’m too scared. When my ASL class last broke into groups I was the only one sitting in the middle of the room with no one. I just sat there and tried to hide my tears.
I actually, don’t know what else to say. I’ll probably delete this post in a few days. I just needed to rant. I cry a lot less when I’m working. It helps to focus on something.